woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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