i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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