i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
