I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize