Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
