so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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