My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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