He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
is that a dick in a sweater?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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