I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
