He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
