yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
