So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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