dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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