K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
