just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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