She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
