I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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