I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
