I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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