dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
