Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
