I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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