I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Come on in and take your pants off
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