My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just pee around me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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