I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
