Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
