So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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