Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
