Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
