my shit smells like andre
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
