Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
