Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
