we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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