Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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