girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
being pregnant is like rehab
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
