Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
