He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
