spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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