i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
