My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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