College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
