I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this just has baby written all over it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
