Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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