This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
