My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
