hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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