D3 body, D1 cock
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
