Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
