me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize