Kiss
Puke
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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