no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
