what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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