Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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