oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
