And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
3pm strippers are depressing
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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