in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
