Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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