i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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